Bud: Wombview

Everything went perfectly. I was much more nervous this time around and really struggled with the similarities between this pregnancy and my first.

But there was sweet Bud dancing about on the screen. Cameron was very excited “Baaaaabyyyy!” and gave my belly a kiss. I think we underestimated how much he understood.

Everything is measuring spot on and looking perfect. My blood test results came back all clear (I was expecting low iron levels as I’ve been so fatigued) which is great.

We are so very blessed.

12 week ultrasound scan pregnancy

12 week anomaly morphology ultrasound scan pregnant

12 week anomaly morphology ultrasound scan pregnancy

With my midwife appointment tomorrow and our mini holiday from Friday to Sunday, we are keeping busy :)

Day of Hope – August 19th

pregnancy loss miscarriage

Tomorrow is a Day of HOPE <3 August 19th is about honouring & remembering the lives of babies that could not stay with us.

Speaking out about the death of babies (whether it is through pregnancy, infant or even child loss) is uncomfortable, sensitive & so individual – like grief itself. But in sharing can bring healing and awareness.

For people around those who have had a loss, they can be reminded to be gentle and to acknowledge our losses as something significant.

miscarriage names in sand

Stunning tribute to my Ollie
(with thanks to Carly – ‘To Write Their Names In The Sand’)

This new pregnancy has several similarities to my first pregnancy with Oliver. I’m due in the same month, so many dates collide in sometimes terrifying ways. Exactly three years ago his little heart was beating away and sharing my blood.

So tomorrow I remember. I remember the little soul who paved the way for me to grow into the mother that I am today. The little soul who taught me so much in so little time. Who I will never stop remembering.

I miss you.

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For more information, see Carly Marie’s amazing website ‘Project Heal’ which provides so much for so many.

Survivor

survivingbadge

The past week I have found myself stalked by the familiar fog of anxiety and depression. It was lingering around me. The niggling negativity. The numbness. The fear.

But it doesn’t realise how strong I am now.

Although I am medicated for Generalised Anxiety Disorder (including anxiety attacks and Post-partum Depression which followed), I no longer see a psychologist and I manage with lifestyle.. I see myself as a survivor and has someone who has recovered.

I know I will probably have more times like these that remind me of The Darker Times but I hope with my next babies I can enjoy the newborn stage and beyond.

A great easy to understand list of The Symptoms of Postpartum Depression & Anxiety (In Plain Mama English) can be found here. I am so proud of how far I have come since a time where I pretty much experienced EVERYTHING on that list.

It is hard, I think, from an outsiders perspective, to comprehend mental illness in many circumstances. People can, without realising or saying anything, have a Glint of Judgment (click for great blog post that explains how it feels!). So many people have more hardships in life.

There are things about my experiences with peri-natal mood disorders that I haven’t shared… things I’m not sure how to express and things I have only remembered as time has gone on.

But, each time I see people finding my blog by searching things like “pnd and anxiety attacks”, ”will i lose my baby if i have anxiety” (and the fact that “postpartum insomnia” & “postpartum anxiety” are the #3 and #5 searched terms that lead people to my blog), I remember that it’s important to keep talking and to keep inspiring mamas and letting them know that this is treatable, temporary and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Motherhood Video Blog – Postpartum Depression & Anxiety Attacks

Go check it out here.